Couples Therapy
Matthew Nordin, LICSW
I'm trained in the two main evidence-based relationship therapy modalities used in the United States. One is called the Gottman Method. The other is Emotion-Focused Therapy, or EFT. You don't need to know the particulars. I can go over them in our fist session, if you'd like. Just know that they are backed-up by years of research. In addition, I use Imago as a foundation for understanding why you and your partner were both attracted to each other in the first place. And it helps me identify which issues from both of your childhoods are coming to the surface.
"Communication"
Nearly every time a new couple steps into the therapy room and I ask what they hope to address, they say, "Our communication."
That's great. I'm glad you recognize that you aren't communicating effectively. But also, please understand that in most cases communication misfires are usually a symptom of a deeper issue in your relationship.
Deep down, for complex psychological and evolutionary reasons, we are attracted to familiarity. What's familiar to us on a subconscious level? Our family. Especially the people who raised us.
Now that raises the communication stakes to a whole new level. Not only are we talking about the here and now, our relationship is reminding us of why we told our younger selves we never wanted a relationship like this in the first place.
Therefore, if I talk about this, are we going to break-up?
But don't worry. We can handle these conversations together. You just need someone who recognizes the signs that something about this relationship is triggering old childhood wounds.
LGBTQ+
I have a wonderful mix of straight and queer clients. It's funny how many issues are the same, no matter the partners' sexual orientation. Yet there are some differences I notice. Heterosexual partners are often still struggling with gender equality and the division of labor within the relationship. As a gay married therapist, I think I can offer you insights about that, backed-up by research. For my queer brothers and sisters, I think it often helps to have someone from our own community in the room validating for both of you the physical and emotional dangers we face even in a city like Seattle. And we also usually have work to do to make sure each person feels equal and valued in the relationship.
